Treason « I See You Seeing Me

Treason

17Dec08

Trea⋅son [tree-zuh n]–noun /the betrayal of a trust or confidence; breach of faith; treachery/

Treason. That’s the crime that I felt was committed against me. When the person in whom you trust explicitly betrays your trust (particularly when there was no real reason to do so), it is difficult to recover from that.

My trust was recently betrayed. And it was by the person that I love and trust the most. I am having a difficult time seeing him or our relationship the same. I never thought he would lie to me about anything – particularly since we’ve already been through some REAL LIFE shit together. We’ve probably been there for one another during the worst times of our lives ever…and so there’s no reason to deliberately lie!?! I always thought he was 100% with me all these years…and to find out that it’s not true has really messed me up. I mean, do I assume that he’s probably lied about something else? Do I just give him a pass and say, “well, it was just this one time…” I mean, he looked me in my face and lied to me…after I gave him an out before he even opened up his mouth in the first place. So I literally meant that there was no need to lie. Not at all.

Why did he lie? Self-preservation? According to him, it was to protect me. *Sigh* I don’t know…I just…I’m confused now.

Is my relationship really what I thought it was? I simply do not trust him the same anymore and THAT is disappointing and it’s hurting me. Mostly because I’ve made some life-altering movements in my life PURELY based on blind trust in him and his intentions. During the most trying time of our relationship, I find out he’s lied. And I’m having a hard time believing it’s the only time. I just can’t believe it. I was prepared and willing to have to deal with a lot of things in our relationship if it ever actually turned into a marriage…but trust was definitely not one of them.

Now it is…over some bullshit at THAT.

Damn.

I feel so damn betrayed.

be⋅tray [bi-trey] –verb (used with object) /to be unfaithful in guarding, maintaining, or fulfilling: to betray a trust. To disappoint the hopes or expectations of; be disloyal to: to betray one’s friends/