I am depressed.

16Feb09

I wish I wasn’t, but I am.  I don’t go anywhere.  I don’t talk to people.  I am avoiding phone calls.  I don’t care that I am taking a bath very often.  Why?  I’m not going anywhere anyway, unfortunately.  My hair is coming out in clumps and my split ends are ridiculous.  My skin is ugly and I’m getting fat.  I’m having a hard time caring about anything.  And I mean anything.

I need a job.

In addition to all of my financial issues, I have heart issues.

I am lonely despite moving here to Florida with my mom.  My brother is moving 6 hours away at the end of the month and I am very disappointed about that because one of the reasons I moved here was to be near my brother, which I really needed.  But he’s got a life and things are going well for him, so that’s great.  At least one of us is happy.

I’m probably lonely because I am distancing myself from human contact because of how depressed I am.  It is increasingly getting difficult to want to have a discussion with anyone…including my mother, my children, and my boyfriend…or whatever he is.  He’s not my boyfriend anymore really, but I don’t know what else to call him.  When he told me that he  didn’t want anything from me, I was devastated.  It has utterly frustrated and confused me.  I decided to just let that relationship go for now.  I don’t have a choice really.  But I think he underestimated how important our relationship has been to me.  It’s the only one that I…nevermind.  I don’t feel like talking about it.

I am trying my best not to give up completely…but it is getting increasingly difficult.

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