Attempting to move beyond the depression
I have had a few days to think some things over. I am still very much stressed; but somehow I was able to get out my physical slump – a little bit. I literally was not coming out of my bedroom for days, except to use the bathroom and take my dog out to eat. I wasn’t eating either. My appetite still isn’t quite right still. But there has been some progress. I left out of my room AND the house yesterday. Yay! It was only for a few hours, but honestly, it’s been the longest outing since I got here almost a month ago.
It seems as though I have applied for a million jobs…and the only thing I’ve gotten is spam and marketing phone calls. I think its a new ploy or something people are using to get your personal information. My plan now is to just work on getting a couple of part time jobs to try to cover myself for a while.
Having to do that is really messing with my self-esteem. It’s starting to make me feel as if I am going COMPLETELY backwards…like I am a failure like my family probably believes I am. They’ve never said it to my face, but they rarely speak highly of me to others. I know because people like to talk and it always gets out. Even when my parents talk to me directly, they typically talk at me…kind of impersonal…like they are talking to a stranger…and they always walk on eggshells like they are skeptical and I never understood why. Besides…I have never had a person come back to me and say that my parents have ever spoken any positive about me. And everybody on the planet can’t be wrong. But I’ve always known anyway…even when I was a child. I’d just like for once to be able to say, “You know, I’m not the loser you all think I am”…and then be able to substantiate it. Right now, my life dictates that I don’t have too much going on…just like they say. I’m starting to believe that no one takes me very seriously either. But whatever. I can’t think about that right now….it’s starting to depress me all over again.
Well, I am going to try to be productive today. I may even walk outside and go to the beach today. We’ll see.
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I See You Seeing Me 
Your post brought me to tears. I’ll email you more on this, but I know exactly how you feel.
My heart hurts for you! I’ve been trying to find you lately and came across the link to your blog. I’m relieved to have found you, but sad to get a glimpse of what you’re going through!! My prayers are with you. Send me your latest contact information when you have a minute. In the meantime, I’ll keep checking in with you via your blog. Love you!!
When someone writes an piece of writing he/she keeps the idea
of a user in his/her mind that how a user can understand it.
Therefore that’s why this post is amazing. Thanks!